Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
