Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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