help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
