i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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