The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
