Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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