Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
