Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
