First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
