Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
