Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
