Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
