I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
