dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
