So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
