So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
