i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
