She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
