operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MIDGETS
????
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
