id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
