Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
