new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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