guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
