Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
