Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
