Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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