Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
