Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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