I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
