i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
