my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
