I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
