I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
