So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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