Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
