Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
