he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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