were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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