Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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