There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
