i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
