i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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