Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize