Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
