I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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