Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
