Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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