Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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