And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
