i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
