I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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