Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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