Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
