well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
