Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
