a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize