I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
