i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there's paper in my vomit.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
