trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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