at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
