oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my shit smells like andre
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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