i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize