Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
