I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
