Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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