I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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