i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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