She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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