ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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