when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
