why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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