my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
