i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Drunk is a universal language darling
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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