Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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