five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
