I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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