Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize