I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
