walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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