i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
