Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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