Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
