I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
