Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
