It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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