I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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