drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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