his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
